Can't Go On Like This
by MiladyGirl
Summary: "There is just something about her that messes with my head." Blake has a crush on Garcia. I HAD to try writing this pairing. XD Oneshot.


**A/N**

Yeah, okay, so I just had to try this pairing and see if it worked. I turned out to disagree with it about as strongly as I thought I would, but it was fun giving it a shot nevertheless. Story is set early during season 8 and it's one-sided Blake/Garcia. I shall now quietly go back to shipping Blake/JJ.

* * *

There is just something about her that messes with my head. From the very first time I saw her, I found that I involuntarily insult her in increasingly more desperate attempts to do just the opposite. The first time we met, I tried to be _funny_. Let's face it; Alex Blake is not a funny person. Alex Blake trying to be funny is a recipe for disaster, at least for a first encounter. I should have learned that about myself by now, but alas, I have not.

In my defence, though it's really not much of a defence, I must say that seeing her for the first time rendered me if not speechless so at least thoughtless. I have never been so instantly attracted to anyone in my entire life. For some reason her voice made me picture her as stick-thin, and upon being confronted with those lovely feminine curves I nearly fainted. I believe I managed to keep a straight face (ha, ha, see what I did there?) but those who know me well would have caught on immediately. It's just not my style to try and make a joke or tease someone the first time I see them - unless I'm just doing it to hide immediate attraction.

Curvy blondes are my Achilles heel. My marriage with James survived my massive crush on Erin Strauss fifteen years ago, but it only takes one look at Penelope Garcia to realise that it will not survive this one. Even if nothing happens - which of course it won't, given how she speaks with Derek Morgan - I can't live this lie for much longer. It's unfair to me and it's most unfair to James.

It is also unfair to Penelope Garcia. The poor woman must think I'm not only arrogant and unfriendly in general, but also that I have something personal against her. I know it must seem to her like I'm just being a bitch, when the truth is that I am drowning helplessly in her warm eyes every time I make the mistake of looking into them, and therefore try my best to avoid her.

We can't go on like this, we really can't. So as the rest of the team get ready to head home after this case, I head to her computer lair in the hopes of catching her alone.

"Garcia…" I can't even keep myself from making her last name sound like the name of an expensive and delicious wine whenever it rolls off my lips. She turns around and looks at me with genuine surprise.

"Hey there, what can I do for you, pretty lady?"

I know that's just one of her Garcia-isms, but it makes my stomach flutter every time. It was quite some time since anyone called me pretty. I don't think James has ever said it.

"I…" I have to take a deep breath before I can continue; "I need to talk to you. In private. There is something I need to tell you."

"Um, ookay…?"

I don't blame her for her confusion. I don't think I've ever really spoken with her, or even made small talk. Of course this has reasons. I can't risk revealing myself, but this is getting ridiculous. I have developed this awful tendency to snap at her every time she's in the same room, to hide the fact that what I truly would like to do is, well… kissing her. Among other things. Truth be told, I would much rather keep this secret to myself, but it needs to be addressed openly; the tension it brings might tear this team apart and I don't want to be responsible for that. It's better if she knows.

I don't know if I'm trying to convince myself or if I actually believe that.

She gestures to an empty chair and takes her headset off. It catches in her long blonde hair and I resist an urge to reach out a hand and gently untangle it, only to get to touch that hair, see if it is as smooth as it looks. As smooth as it has been in my daydreams.

Wow, that's kind of creepy. I feel my cheeks heat up, and I pray that the blush isn't visible, but I know it is. I very rarely blush, but when I do, it's impossible to miss. She manages to untangle the strand of hair without my help, and when she turns in my direction again she does a double take. Oh yeah, I'm definitely flushed.

"Alex, what is it, what's wrong?"

I open my mouth, then close it again, shaking my head.

"Nothing. It's nothing, really."

I let out a very unconvincing laughter and shrug before getting up from the chair, throwing my purse over my shoulder.

"I promise, it was nothing. Sorry I bothered you. See you tomorrow."

She says nothing when I head for the door, and to be honest I would pretend I didn't hear it even if she did. I don't know what to say. I am a coward. I run away from everything that's emotionally challenging. I know this is true; I have done it over and over in my life. And I'm doing it again.

It's just as well, really. Nothing good can come out of telling her. The last thing I want is her pity, and her love will forever be out of my reach. I know this with absolute conviction.

We wouldn't have been a match anyway.


End file.
